Article submission for Introvert Dear: When the penny drops

When the penny drops

Exploring the moment you realise you're an HSP

If, like me, you've always thought of yourself as different, and found the world a looming and sometimes uncomfortable place to be, then you could be an HSP. And also, like me, if you've never quite been able to put your finger on what or who you are, or you found yourself suppressing your sensitive side, it may have taken some time to come to this realisation.

'I am a highly sensitive person.' The moment the penny drops can be both a wonderful opportunity and a terrifying prospect. In this article, drawing from my own personal experience, I'll write about the thoughts that went through my head the first few moments and days beginning life as a newly discovered HSP.

'I found my people'

One of the most incredible feelings we can feel is the sense of belonging. To our family, to our friends to our loved ones, and to the world. But as HSPs, living in a culture so focused on being out there, it's not something we necessarily feel often. However, the moment you dip your toes into the huge sea of online resources created for and by HSPs, is amazing. Because that water is warm, and inviting, and you wish you had dived in sooner. 

You might find yourself nodding incessantly whilst scrolling through an article online, or not believing your eyes as you watch a video and it feels like its describing you better than you could've done yourself. I found myself grinning stupidly on the tube as I listened to episode after episode of the Highly Sensitive Person Podcast, enjoying how comforting it felt to relate to someone so completely.

Cherish those moments where you feel like wolf who's finally found its pack, or a lone mountain climber stumbling into camp. Because it must've been a long, hard journey to get here, and that journey's by no means over yet, but take a moment and enjoy it - you've certainly deserved it.

'My future looks hopeless'

Your worst fears have been confirmed. Your friends, your parents, that ex, they were right. I'm sensitive. Highly sensitive. And it feels awful. When I first accepted the fact I was an HSP, the color drained from my world. When I first read that HSPs are more likely to spend much of their life alone even though they crave intimacy and deep emotional bonds, my stomach lurched. It felt like my life had already been written for me, and it was chapter after chapter of emotional pain, overthinking the situation and never fitting in. The first few days after accepting the fact, I certainly stayed in bed more than usual. 

But soon the sulking stopped. And as I cautiously opened my laptop and waded into the waters of the HSP sea, another thought popped into my head.

'My future looks bright'

Yes, you're different. One in five, to be scientific. But that doesn't mean its time to pack up your bags and call it quits. Because you can make it work. If you've felt helpless for much of your life, and chances are you have, then the knowledge of your high sensitivity should give you some control. With some time to think and some advice from others, you'll start to see your new discovery as a boon, rather than a curse. Those things you thought were wrong with you? They're not wrong, and they're most certainly not your fault. This world you feel so ill-fitting in? Time to start surrounding yourself with like-minded people, and cutting yourself some slack. 

I used to really beat myself up for being so sensitive, like something was wrong with me. I used to think I was anti-social, because I disliked small talk, and that I was boring, because my mind went blank in crowded rooms. Whenever I felt overwhelmed by the situation I was in, I would keep pushing myself, harder and harder. And of course no good came out of it - it only made things worse. But after some self-reflection, I decided to try some new things out. Things like taking a time out at a party and sitting in an empty room to cool down. Drinking cider instead of vodka, and tea instead of coffee. Preferring books to bars and Netflix to nights out. And soon I felt as though my days were becoming easier and my mind was becoming lighter.

Of course, as much as we all wish we could at times, there is a fine line between appreciating your sensitivity and living life as a hermit. As Elaine Aron describes in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, there is a danger of living a life that's 'too in'. But if you're reading this in the wake of discovering your HSP-ness, then perhaps take a few days, and appreciate your gift. Appreciate how vividly you experience the world and how deep your mind goes. Enjoy the strength of the stimuli around you and how empathetic you can be. And when you begin to feel that over-stimulation, take the time to recover. Put on your long socks and PJs, boil the kettle, and relax.

'What do I do now'

HSPs hate to be overwhelmed. We're the tortoises of the world, not the hares. But learning that you're an HSP is a huge discovery. There are endless articles and videos to read online, shelves and shelves of books that have now been written on the subject of high sensitivity. You might find yourself wanting to reevaluate your whole life with this new perspective you've acquired. Perhaps most strongly of all, you want to meet other people like you.

That's a hefty to-do list, and one that no matter how hard you try, isn't going to be finished for a while. Accepting that you're sensitive can feel like a huge milestone, for better or for worse, but it's not going to change your life overnight. You might find yourself brimming with an excitement for life that you rarely ever felt. The desire to explore coffee shops, libraries and parks, and all the quiet places in the world without this looming feeling of guilt. Or you might find the weight of the world on your shoulders and the rest of your story already written out in front of you.

Most highly sensitive people appreciate both the positives and negatives of their trait, as fundamentally it is a neutral one - like having brown eyes or being left-handed. But if you've recently learnt this about yourself, it may seem all too much, and it might be hard to see how perfectly the pros balance the cons. Take solace in the fact that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and that whatever happens, there are people out there who are just like you.

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